i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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