Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
Randomize
