Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
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