just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
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