He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
Randomize
