i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
