Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Randomize
