new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
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