I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
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