I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
Can't talk, ducks in the car
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
Randomize
