There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Btw I puked in your glovebox
Randomize
