saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
Randomize
