I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
