Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
Randomize
