Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
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