Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
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