The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
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