I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
