FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
