I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
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