Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
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