My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
Holy shit dude........stairs
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
Randomize
