Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
Randomize
