you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Randomize
