I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
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