i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
Randomize
