one word: firstdatebathroomanal
he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
How does one acquire holy water?
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
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