Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
Randomize
