this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
Randomize
