About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
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