It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
Randomize