He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
Randomize