Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
Church boner. Awkwardddd
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
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