i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
they're like a gay fantastic four
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
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