I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
