I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
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