I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
Randomize
