i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Randomize
