I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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