you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
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