Girls should come with a carfax report
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
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