drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
I came so hard my ears popped.
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
Randomize
