She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
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