If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
