this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
