took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
God, you're like boner-b-gone
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
We need a shit load of segways right now
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
Randomize