I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
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