well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
