I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
i believe in u and ur pee
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
Randomize
