we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
Randomize
