when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
Randomize
