WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
