The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
where are you?
Hypothermia
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
Randomize
