The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
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