Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
I was able to overlook the Affliction tee until he took it off and there was another tattooed on his body.
Was it at least attractive minus the Gargoyles or skulls... or whatever affliction is putting out these days?
Even a greek god couldn't pull it off. Told him I like Ed Hardy Better. Death Before Dishonor, baby. I'm sure it was a painful blow. hopefully he understands sarcasm.
the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
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