I am puke
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
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