It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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