i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
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