The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
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