M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
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