it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
Randomize
