Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
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Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
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No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
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