Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
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