I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
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