We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
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