he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
Randomize
