I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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