then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
