He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Randomize
