I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
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