I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
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