I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
Randomize
