dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
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