i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
Randomize
