Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
Shitshow foam night was such a success
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
Randomize
