So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
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