They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
Randomize
