Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
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